the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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