hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
God I need to hump something, right now.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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