Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Randomize
