dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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