when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
