I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
