I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Randomize
