do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
