Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
