so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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