I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize