after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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