My hair reeks of homosexuality.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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