Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
