i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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