everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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