You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
