absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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