you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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