I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
