I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize