The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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