Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
