it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
