Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize