Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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