I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
