ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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