I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
