Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
