sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
As shirtless as possible
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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