Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize