I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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