Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
