You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
