I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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