whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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