first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
