as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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