you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
whose ass print is on the piano?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
