There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
