dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
