I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
is wine microwaveable?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize