Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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