tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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