Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The uberlube is also flammable
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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