The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
