I think I can smell my own vagina right now
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
