I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
