The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
