doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
