anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
