I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
