I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
