I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
