I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
