from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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