I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
