Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
