i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
