Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
