I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
