She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize