So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
