He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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