We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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