I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize