it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
