i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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