Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
