I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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