I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
