Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
