Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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