mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
