i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
