I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
