i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
