Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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