it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
