all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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