I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Randomize
