before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
