I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
