I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
