Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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