someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
