My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
