you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
