I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
