I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
