Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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