isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
